Scrambled Thoughts.

At this point, im blogging for my own personal relief, because it seems that no one reads blogs anymore. But here it goes.

So far, this week has been interesting.
Last saturday put a lot of things in perspective for me. Priorities were reevaluated, thoughts and feelings were expressed in new ways, and ultimately a new perspective on things arose. I spent the week here at school in a mellow mood, so to speak. Not so much to prove anything, but rather i found myself just living for the next thing. I am now realizing how my life has strayed from purpose. There is a long term goal, but the daily routine is just that- a mindless routine. I would label this past week with a familiar Christianese phrase by saying "I'm struggling". I find myself anxious, lonely, ignored, rejected, discouraged, stressed, and ultimately a failure, educationally and spiritually. Finding rest in Christ has become a challenge. I am so overloaded by schoolwork, trying to maintain friendships, as well as taking care of other personal matters, that i have forgotten to live my life in the joy of Christ. I find it easy to mope, as i trudge from one class to the next in the bitter cold and snow; trying to live from point A to point B and continue until i am okay. I need joy.
This week has shown me the beginning of a long road of challenges for this next semester. It will most likely be the hardest thing i have ever faced in my life.

I am not finishing this blog post with a 180 turn around story about how the Lord blew my mind and showed me something to sustain me emotionally and spiritually, as well as physically, with the little sleep i get now a days thanks to Theory...
I'm not finishing the post like this, because it just hasn't happened yet. I have faith the Lord will provide, but He hasn't yet; for whatever reason in His Sovereignty, I feel i will be challenged with people and classes over the next 4 or 5 months.
So that's what is happening, for anyone who stumbles across this. Life is hard, and the Lord is good. Although I struggle now, i recognize the Lord is Holy, and ultimately in control, even when I forget so often.

That's really all i got. I recommend blogging when you're distressed. Writing will show you how you feel, as well as show you the problems you may not be able to see at the moment. It's helped me so far...