Stress can be a good thing, in this case it's not.
Too much stress can lead to illness. Right now, it is displaying itself as a migraine.
To relieve stress, and confront a problem, the next few words will be very frank, open, and will attempt at expressing my problem in the most honest way possible.
Discipline.
This 10 letter word is what may send me back home.
My lack of discipline is what causes me to fail.
Fail, not once, or twice, but constantly.
It's been a problem ever since i can remember.
My foolishness and lack of focus has jeopardized my ability to remain at John Brown University.
If i can't make the grades, i go home. Simple as that.
As of right now, that is a very real possibility.
I miss class, I half heartedly do homework, I play and sleep instead of working...
My priorities are not in line.
These are a few characteristics of what my life has looked like the past few weeks.
When you're failing two Wubbena classes, life seems to wake you up.
I've taken plenty of time over the weekend and during the past days to beat myself up over it. I've done quite a good job too, I must say.
I feel sick.
Sick of myself, sick of the way I act, sick of the way i am.
Sick of Andrew Layden.
Don't waste any time commenting "We love you!" or "You're a great person"
I'm just being frank. I'm not playing the pity card.
I know the way i feel isn't right.
That's why im saying it.
To fix it.
I don't expect to get 500 pats on the back saying its okay.
I don't deserve it. I put myself in this hole, now its time to find my way out.
I don't know if ill be at JBU this time next year. I'd like to hope so, but I just don't know.
I don't feel much of anything right now.
Simple emptiness.
Where have i gone?
What have i become?
Why has my attitude been of reluctance towards the Father?
Why do i hate posting everything i actually feel?
Why do i care that people see exactly what i try to hide?
I don't know.
If by chance you are reading this, please pray.
It is the only thing i can ask for.
I need prayer.
I need joy.
I need friendship.
I need life.
I need peace.
I need my God.
God is so good
16 years ago
I won't say it's all okay, because I know it's not. Instead:
ReplyDeletebuck up. you can do it. I know you can. You're ridiculously driven when you get it in your head that it's a necessity. I've seen that in your friendships.
and one more thing: i'm praying for you, friend.
you got this.
Col 4:2 Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving;
ReplyDeleteCol 4:17 "Take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it."
JBU is where God has taken you, and it's where you'll stay until He says something different!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Work hard, and pray vigilantly.